Fiona:  My parents want us to travel half way across the world to their castle to have a marriage party, which is an obvious attempt to assassinate you or get me married to a real prince.

 

Shrek:  Ok.

 

(They travel, Eddie Murphy runs through all his old cliched jokes, audience falls asleep)

 

Fiona:  We're Here!

 

(Lots of things happen, there are vague references to some creepy Fairy Godmother thing, and Shrek meets up with a cat, which is by far the best part of the movie)

 

Shrek:  Oh no!  5 minutes left in the movie!  No time for a plausible ending!

Let's just say the Fairy Godmother lost the battle thingy, and all of a sudden everyone got happy for some odd reason.

 

Fiona:  Let's live happily ever after... or at least until they try to milk this stupid series by making a Shrek 3.

 

Everyone: Yay!

 

(Cue camera to shot of weird donkey-dragon creatures.  Fade to black.)