You know the deal. Youre simply driving down the road, minding your own business, when BAM! An ugly car
comes out of nowhere and nearly blinds you to death. Truth is, ugly cars are becoming more common, leaving us all to wonder
what the designers are smoking.
I announce to you: Doug's Ugly Automobile Pageant
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Contestant
#1
Honda Element
Honda set the standard for the Refrigerator on wheels concept with this piece of crap. This car has an identity
crisis, not knowing if it wants to be a hummer, minivan, or cardboard box. The commercials try to make it look cool by showing
it with young adults on a road trip to the beach. Fact is, parking this on the beach is a bad idea, as the seagulls would
poop on it in an attempt to improve it's looks. If this car was a guy, it would be Louie Anderson. ---->
Ugly Rating:
7 out of 10
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Contestant
#2
Toyota Scion
Toyota is the only company dumb enough to look at the Honda Element and think "That is a good idea, we should
make an element clone, except even boxier, with a dull grey-silver color that could make even a 6 year old with ADHD fall
asleep by looking at it."
There is so much wrong with this toaster on wheels that I can't possible explain all of
its flaws. Lets just say that if you are dumb enough to buy this, there should be some penalty involved, such as being forced
to slide down the side of a 100 foot tall cheese grater.
Ugly Rating: 9 out of 10
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Contestant
#3
Smart Fortwo Coupe
 The rest of the world already has it, and unfortunately, The U.S. will get it in 2006. Introducing the Smart
Car. Made by some odd car company named Smart, (what kinda name is that?) the ForTwo is the smallest car available on the
market. The small size is great if you want good gas mileage, but not great if you actually want to fit into the car (a feat
only Gary Coleman has accomplished). With only 2 square inches of trunk space, and only enough room for one cylinder in the
motor, this beast can almost go as fast as those PowerWheels toys you had as a kid. Combine this with desperately-trying-to-look-futuristic
styling and the fact that it looks like those toddler pedal cars, and you get a REALLY DUMB car.
Ugly rating: 9 out
of 10
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AND
THE WINNER OF THE PAGEANT...
Contestant #4
Honda Unibox Concept
Wow... where do you begin? It's made almost entirely of glass, has 6 wheels of unequal sizes, does not have a steering wheel,
and is even more boxy than the Toyota Scion. The middle seats fold to become motorized scooters, the floor is wooden, and
the car started to melt at one of the car shows it went to. Thank God it will never go into production. Those guys down at
Honda must have had a lot of drugs on hand when thinking up this.
Ugly Rating: 43 out of 10
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